Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What Would YOU do????

OK, as some of you have seen from past posts on my page, I have suffered from anxiety. I was in a very traumatic car accident. My mini van was nailed crossing a highway and spun around to face the opposite direction. If I had had anyone else in my van at the time, they would likely have been either seriously injured or more likely dead. A very odd chain of events lead to my van being empty. (Thank you GOD) That did not change this Mommy brain from freaking the hell out. I could not sleep. My brain still relives this event daily as I drive that road...we won't get into my issues with driving. This was when the anxiety started for me. It was a slow process and I didn't really know it was happening until it was a bit out of control. 

Fast forward to right before Christmas. We lived in an apartment complex that used to be Army housing. Not the best place, not the worst. Not cheap by any standards and not big enough. I knew our lease was up in February. My "plan" was to rent month to month until the end of the school year, I had asked the Land Manager about extending our current lease to cover the school year, she never got back to me. So, I received our"lease renewal" offer on December 21st. Ha effing ha. I had been there for near three years and they wanted to raise our rent so much that I'd have to sell a child to stay there. 

SO-here is me thinking...oh-my-gosh-what-am-I-going-to-do-its-effing-CHRISTMAS...about that fast. That's how it started and it got way worse from there. I kept it together long enough to find a house...in a totally different district. In a different community, the one I grew up in. Yes, I have friends here, but I am not a fan of change. All of the things that I had to do totally overwhelmed me. At that time, I was subbing 4 to 5 days a week. I also worked at Mr. Brady's old shop on Saturdays. Mr. Brady worked 70 hours a week then as well. I had to move by Feb 1st. Christmas was December 25th, the kids went back to school January 3rd...so I had less than a month to pack a house of 10 that we had planned on staying in for 4 more months. Oh good lord...it was tooooo much. All the preparation, all the kids, all the calls and everything just came crashing in on me. I was having severe anxiety attacks. I was bursting into tears in public. I was falling apart at the seams. I even broke down at church. A place I thought was safe. In a sea of people, including my pastor, no one sought me out to comfort me. That's not true. A few of my son's teen friends did and I appreciated it, but MY friends didn't. The people I was there for and would have gone to if I saw them crying did not come to me and offer a shoulder or a hanky or a hand of friendship. Nothing. At one point I had asked the Church secretary to tell our pastor what was going on and put me on the prayer list and STILL no offers of help or comfort. 

Fast forward from February to last Sunday. One of these people cornered me about an issue at Church involving a mission trip I had asked to chaperon before I fell apart and why I wasn't chosen. This trip took place over Easter break. My son went. They never told me that I wasn't chosen to go. They let me find out by hearing that other adults were going. I agree that maybe it wasn't my time to go. Fine. I am an adult and I know that I had a LOT going on and that I have 8 children. Ok. Great. She gave me this run down of reasons, a bunch of the reasons were total bunk or misunderstandings that nobody had bothered to talk to me about. One of the things she said to me was that I was falling apart when I moved, how was I going to handle a mission trip and that if things were so bad why didn't I ask for help? I tried explaining that when things are that bad, when you are falling apart, you need someone to come to you. She then said that I was unapproachable. 

Now, I know that I am not unapproachable. That's bunk. I needed love and kindness even if that is all anyone had to offer. No one could fix what I had going on inside me. Sure people might have been able to take things off of my plate for me. Carry some of my burdens perhaps. No offers of any kind were made. To myself or Mr. Brady. Our move was no secret. All 10 of us go to that church. If I saw someone hurting, I would offer caring, if I was turned away, at least that person would know that someone cared. Sometimes that is enough. I think its a load of crap. 

I hope and pray that I never look at someone hurting and say to myself that they look and act like they don't want anyone to help them. 

What would YOU do???


  1. SoberTinaApr 24, 2012 07:19 AM
    ((hugs)) I've had a couple of situations over the last few years that were very rough, and the the people that I thought would step up (my close-knit church, my AA groups), barely raised an eyebrow. I was so let down. It was the first time in my life I had a "support" network and I thought it would help. Not so much.

    I was SO surprised when a group of ladies I hardly knew got together and decided to talk care of me. For 2 weeks, I think I only cooked dinner once. They had taken turns bringing meals out to my house (which was 15 miles from the closest person). They put 2 different gift baskets together for us (my girls and I); one will barbies, bubbles and other fun stuff for the kids, and a second one with some easy-cook foods for when they couldn't bring food out. I was beyond amazed at their kindness. I never knew people did that for one another. Hell, my own mother lives next door to me and she NEVER offered to help out. NEVER.

    I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. Thank you for sharing it with us. :-)

    (Tina-I had to move your comment bcs I moved the blog bcs I Thought I messed it up...:-O)

  2. Just gotta share my thoughts on this one!! I grew up in a very religious household - we were at church every time the doors were open. As a child, I didn't really understand much of what went on. We got to do fun things and see our friends, so it was all good. But as time went on and I got older and saw more of how it *truly* was there (or in many churches)...I realized that the truth is Christians are the only group of people I know of that "shoot their wounded". The one place you SHOULD be able to turn for love, support, encouragement and prayers is the LAST place that makes you feel like you can! There is judgment, gossip, and just a lack of care/concern that is unbelievable, and SOOOO not in line with Jesus' teachings.

    It's funny...the church preached against homosexuality, to the point that we were to 'avoid' gay people...but through an odd series of events, I now have a big group of gay friends, and I have found them to be some of the nicest, most caring/loving people ever. And I realize there are 'bad' and 'good' people in every "community" of people, but it's just ironic that the Christians who are supposed to be these wonderful loving people are hating on a group that (by and large) actually IS made up of wonderful people.

    I'm so sorry you had such a terrible time and no one to turn to. There is nothing lonelier than being at the end of your rope and feeling like no one cares. :-(

  3. All I can think is that woman is a bitch and this is one of the thousand reasons I avoid church.

  4. I'm sorry for the experience you had with your church. I, well we, my husband and our family are currently going through some crazy stuff right now compliments of his ex wife, my bonus kids' mom...and I honestly don't know what I'd do without the prayer & support of our church, granted, I have gone & asked for help, and I've managed to keep myself together(sometimes, I don't know how), while at church. I was once told by the pastor of the very first church I was a member of, when I was fresh in my recovery, and my walk, that there are 2 reasons people don't go to church, or like christian's, either they've never met one, or they have. Unfortunately, some people who are "blessed" forget that they weren't always that way, and that they have needed or will need some help, even if it is only in the form of a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. I'm so sorry for the woman's callous treatment of you...I pray for you and your family...I follow you on FB (wow that sounds kind of stalker-ish, LOL), anyway, I'm praying for you, and your situation, and hope that all is well! I enjoy reading your posts, because 1 it lets me know that I'm not alone in the craziness of ex wife drama, and 2 you're pretty funny!
    Hope you are doing well!

  5. I have found a new church and I think it is a good fit. We shall see...Its right down the street.

    I don't think of you guys as stalkers. I appreciate you all. I have pages that I follow as well :-)

    Much love to you!!!!!!


  6. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I'm following you back!